With Auntie Agatha
I want to start by commending your gift. My respect for you increased after reading this story. In your shoes, even though I am Pastor and counselor, I would have dismissed it on receipt of the letter because of its annoying content.
I really bless the name of God for giving you the wisdom and maturity to attend to the emotional needs of people. Don’t ever be discouraged if you are not getting anything from the people you have helped, including me. God will never neglect you for this selfless service to mankind.
Back to the issue of Rita and her daughters who are both pregnant for the same man. It is unfortunate.
Rita should have known better than to keep her affairs away from her home. Even if divorced, she should at her age carry herself with certain measure of decorum. Her male friend should never be a regular visitor to her home for the simple reason that she has young girls who are already matured. By virtue of the fact that she has custody of the children means her husband and his family has some measure of trust in her ability to manage the children.
If they thought she was incapable, I am sure the man would have taken steps to take the children away from her. Also, there will always be those who think her exist from their family is good radiance and would be waiting patiently to prove to those who are in support of her that she is bad news any day.
Unfortunately, she has walked into the trap of “didn’t we tell you that this woman is bad news? Didn’t we tell you to take the children from her; that she will, given her antecedence be unable to give them the right training?”
It isn’t an offence for her at her age to desire the company of a man. It is what we were all created to do on earth. No matter the age of a man or woman, the ancient need to be close to a member of the opposite sex will never cease. So, on this score, she didn’t do anything wrong.
But like you said Agatha, a deeper look into Rita’s lifestyle shows a worrisome trend, which unfortunately is not limited to her. More and more women are placing unnecessary value on sex than the things that are right and good for them. That her two daughters could sleep with her boyfriend with the knowledge that the other was doing it with the same man, is indeed a planned work to teach her some lessons in morality.
From the ages of these children, they weren’t too young to be ignorant of what transpired between their parents, especially the reason for the divorce. Although she didn’t state the reason she and her husband went their different ways, if accusation of infidelity was one of them, this incident has only complicated issues for her in the sense that her daughters will never be able to relate to her as a mother. Therefore it goes beyond finding solution to the pregnancies.
Rita, go with what Agatha said about making peace with your daughters. Definitely the elder one knows where the junior sister is and united in further embarrassing you on this matter. Agatha has said it all; forget your pains and solve this problem the only way a good mother knows how to bring her family together. They are your children. Your husband will only come back to claim them if they are good but will forget about them if they turn out bad. What father would want to claim a child who got pregnant for the mother’s boyfriend?
As a man, I wouldn’t because it is an abomination. Not even my pastoral training would make me friends with such a child. If the child were younger and was raped by the man, it would have been a different story but when a grown up woman of 28, decides to do such a thing, then it becomes forbidden. How can mother and child be rivals? Indeed the world is coming to an end.
In my opinion, both of them should keep the pregnancies. But the daughter should vacate the house for her mother. She is old enough to take full responsibilities for her actions.
Rita, should have the child and learn to love it like she once loved her father. It is the only reasonable way out of it instead of insisting on her daughter having an abortion.
Why did you go for a married man in the first place? They are bad news for a single lady. (From your letter, you have been divorced for more than a decade, met this man a year ago, and “being married, we meet in my place”). It is normal to crave companionship after being divorced for so long but you should have looked well before leaping. You even trusted him with your home keys.
As for the pregnancies, I would advise you to keep the pregnancies but not the babies. You can even travel out to have the babies before your states become obvious to non-medical observers. Give them up for adoption at birth and rebuild your lives. Abortion can lead to infertility or death and the innocent babies should not be sacrificed for the sins of their father.