The woman I love belongs to another man

 

With Auntie Agatha

[email protected], [email protected] Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I’m 24 years of age and from the Eastern part of Nigeria. My girlfriend is also 24 and from the Western part of the country. We love each other.

However, despite how she feels about me, she says we cannot be together for the following reasons she explained to me.

The first reason has to do with a man she has dated for six years. She said even if she wants to end the relationship, the man won’t allow her go. 

Her second reason is her desire to marry early hence won’t be able to wait for me. We are both in law school.

Thirdly, she is scared of our tribal differences saying she doesn’t want in-law wahala.

Agatha, I’m convinced that she really cares about me but is indeed scared of her third reason which is what is really preventing her from pursuing the relationship with me.

I so much love this girl; it’s so serious that many times; I have contemplated suicide. Everyday gives me a reason to fall deeper in love with her. Some times, she tries to push me away but I end up getting closer to her than before. I’ve tried dating other girls to take my mind off her. But each time I get more hurt. I can’t imagine myself loving any other lady but her. She’s trying to hold unto me so as not to hurt me but I know one day, she will finally leave me to settle with her guy. I don’t know what to do. I’m just holding on while asking myself at the same time if my action is faith or stupidity especially as I see no hope of her quitting her relationship for me, but here I’m still hoping. In case you are wondering if I have ever prayed about her, yes I have and every answer leads to her. Please should I quit or continue to hold on to the little hope I have. It’s impossible to leave her. I love her. Help me.

 

Obinna.

 

 

Dear Obinna,

There are times in life when love appears to be so complex and painful. Deep down you know you are swimming against the tide but unable to stop what appears to be a fruitless effort. At 24, you are going through a phase in your life you will eventually come to laugh over when all these become history in your life.

Ask so many men or women before you; you will be surprised at the number of times love has played this card on those before you, including me. It is all part of growing up and building your own character. Besides, instances like this give us a better understanding of life’s many complexities. Often times, men and women don’t end up with the persons they love the most; they end up with another person for reasons best known to God.

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This is the time you ask yourself this question we often neglect to ask, do you think she has the ability to help you achieve your personal dream in life? What we think we need isn’t often what God wants for us, no matter how much we desire it to happen.

You may think the world begins and ends with this special girl but you will later find out there is a special kind of woman that will dim into oblivion your memories of or feelings for her.

If you commit suicide on account of one girl, you will just be giving several men not just the chance to have her but denying yourself of the chance of meeting with that very extraordinary woman God has created to partner with you in your quest to be an accomplished man and professional in life. Do you really want to die before you meet her? Besides what would your killing yourself achieve for you beyond grief and pains for your parents and friends?

Life is about struggles and fighting for what we want desperately. Only a weakling gives up on life. If you are contemplating killing yourself because a woman isn’t looking your way what would you do by the time life begins to dish you with its different menus and assortments of bitter pills?

To help you understand the inner pressures she is going through; ask yourself this question; if you, who met her some months ago, are going through this degree of emotional pains, what do you expect the man she has been dating for six years do? How would you feel in this man’s shoes if the lady you have pinned all your hopes on and has made up your mind to marry walks up to you to end a relationship you have nurtured for as long as six years? Yes, we don’t get to decide who our chemistry flows best with, but relationship is about application of maturity and common sense. The reality on ground is that she is in a very stable relationship; one she hopes to be in for the rest of her life if her desire to marry as soon as she leaves law school is anything to go by.

Also, her reason that you won’t be ready when she is prepared to marry is something you should consider. Bearing in mind that after law school you still have to go for service, find a job and get some personal things on ground like your own accommodation, some furniture and a little saving to take care of your woman, she may not have the patience to wait for you to do all these because long before she met you, she has planned the pattern and colours for her life.

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She appears to be that kind of woman who has her life well cut out for her. She may indeed love you deeper than she does her boyfriend but you don’t have what it takes to keep her happy unlike the other man. In addition, the other man’s love for her has been tested and she knows it is dependable enough for her to entrust her life to him. This isn’t the case with you. She has to work to get to know you; a time she apparently doesn’t have to invest in giving up certainty for your uncertainty.

To overcome your obsession with her, start keeping away from her because the more you hold on to her or your desires to have her in your life, the more painful and harder it gets for you. This is very important to enable you look beyond her and see several reasons why you must not do the foolish thing of killing yourself.

It will also afford you the opportunity of seeing that special lady waiting in the wings for your attention. You are not seeing her because you have delivered your heart to this girl whose honesty is hurting you beyond reason.

You would also be giving yourself a chance to be happy again once you let go of her. Besides every day you hold on to your dreams of keeping her, the sadder you become at your inability to have her; it is a needless sacrifice because if at the end of the day, God votes her not to be as the woman he designed for you, your attempts to hold onto her at all cost would have been futile and of what use would that have done to you?

Why worry so much if God has persistently told you after each prayer that she is yours. If true, allow God to do His work effectively. By the time He is through with her, she would be the one asking for you.

You just have to learn to trust God on this because He is the only one with our master manual in His hands. If you don’t learn to let go for God to grab your hands, you will never know the hues of that happiness He has in store for you. The secret of life and its many complexities is for you to take each day as it comes.

If this girl is yours, God will make it happen and if she isn’t, another girl specially made by God for you, will come your say. So stay alive to experience the moment.

Good luck.

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